OurQ

Talking Sex In The Heat Of The Moment

Apr 19, 2013
Posted by: gaycity

Talking about sexual health is important. I was lucky enough to attend a high school that had a great sex education program. I grew up on Capitol Hill, seeing sex toy shops such as Castle and the Crypt on my way to class. I am really grateful to live in such an accepting and supportive environment. It’s because of this education, and the circumstances I was brought up in, that I find it important to discuss sexual health with a possible hook up.

I always want to bring up the subject of sex right away, because there are some who don’t know the consequences of risky sexual behavior. They may not even be aware their actions are risky. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen. Despite what I know, I still manage to find excuses to not have “the talk” with every partner.

It can be hard to find the right time to bring up the subject. Sometimes I’ll try to bring it up in jest. That way at least the ice is broken. Sometimes, I find myself putting it off because I don’t want my partner to think I’m expecting something from him. In those situations I tell myself to hold off until one of us makes a move. That way it might feel more natural.

Occasionally this is the case and we will have good rapport. We are able to talk about our own health, and what we feel comfortable doing with each other before things get heated. In my experiences, this is not very common. One kiss can lead to a lot more, and its not easy to drop everything in the heat of the moment to talk sexual history and practice. It can be hard to initiate a serious discussion when your mouth is busy with something else.

By not talking to your partner, you’re putting your health in the hands of others. Maybe your partner has been having unprotected sex with other guys. Maybe you are. The number of people who you have to worry about can rise quickly. It could be that he hasn’t had sex with someone in a while, but never got tested after his last hookup. There are a lot of variables to consider. Unless you talk to your partners, you won’t know.

Of course, you could always use a condom.

People often complain that condoms are uncomfortable or that they ruin the experience. I can’t say I disagree with them. I have had some silly or embarrassing experiences involving the little rubber bags. But there are other ways of lowering your risks when you’re sexually active. Getting tested regularly is a great start. Being aware of my own well being makes me more conscious about other’s. You could hold back when hooking up with a guy for the first time. Teasing can be fun and it gives the two of you something to look forward too. It also gives you more time to build up to the discussion.

Thanks to my school and community I’m aware of some of the risks of unprotected sex. I know that not using a condom as a top is less risky than not using one as a bottom. I know its time to schedule a test if the white stuff gets in my mouth. I know that coming on him is much safer than coming in him. Having all this knowledge is great, but just having it doesn’t keep me healthy. Putting it into practice is what is important.

By Joe Valley, Gay City Intern

Category: Health